Vita Pulchra Est: I can finally breathe, suddenly alive

This might turn in to some annoying rambling, but I swear this story has a point, so read if you want...photos are at bottom but kind of go with post. Last night, I found myself getting out the DVD with the video of my graduation. I don't know how many times I sat there and replayed that same part over and over and over.. the part where I had my "diploma" handed to me (the fake scroll....).. but, I have to admit, I HATED high school. I hated it. I can honestly say that I had very few moments in high school that I enjoyed. It's not something that I like looking back on, but it's something that's there in my memories... and it's something that I try to use to my advantage, even though it was a very negative experience. 9th grade was just normal 9th grade junk. Being a freshman in high school sucks, because everyone thinks of you as the annoying immature dorks. Ok, maybe I'm dorky, but I think by 9th grade I was a lot more mature than most of the people in my grade.. 10th grade was where most of my cruddy high school experience began. Not knowing who you are and feeling like the world is against you is not the best experience in the world. Between 10th and 11th grade, I dealt with harassment, depression, mental abuse, have been threatened to be beat up on a few occasions, and I was constantly talked about behind my back...I think the one thing that hurt the most was doing everything in the world for someone, and never feeling good enough for them and having them always screw me over. Always. I went to school sick to my stomach almost every day between 10th-11th grade. Some of those nights I went on absolutely no sleep because I knew that there were going to be problems. One day, I even went to the nurse and claimed I was sick just so I could go home because someone upset me so bad. There were times when I honestly felt like I was not going to make it through high school. I knew I would, but I didn't feel like I could.

I always hear of these outrageous stories of people doing these amazing things with their life despite their circumstances. I'm thinking.. man.. I really wish I could do something like that.. but when I see that smile on my face in that graduation video.. when I see myself standing there, severely scarred, but alive... when I realize I'm sitting here typing this right now.. I know I did something outrageous.. I fought my way through high school. Through nights of no sleep, harassment, depression, hating who I was, I was able to come out of high school ALIVE and graduate magna cum laude. I was part of the national honors society and the german honors society, i was able to hold a 4.0 or higher for 15 consecutive grading periods. It basically got me absolutely nothing except a small grant (which I will never understand...) but I'm pretty dang proud of what I accomplished even with all the chaos going on. I'm proud of the person I turned out to be.

I would not trade my high school experience for anything in the world. It was the worst experience ever but I cannot possibly explain how much I learned through the whole thing. I always hope that I can use my pain and my experience to help someone else. There is so much that has happened throughout high school, it's ok though. Because I'm here. Take what you want from this story and use it in your life. Go after your dreams, grab them, and don't let them go.. no matter what situations you are dealing with.

On to the picture part of the post..

These are older pictures, oh well. This is the one person who was there for me all 4 years of my high school experience. I have never had someone never leave my side and never judge me until I met Claire. I cannot believe that you are still my best friend, even though I was slightly effed up in high school. I don't know how you dealt with me. But I really appreciate it. a lot..