Friday, January 21, 2011

Every moment

i think i have a mild case of insomnia. or something like it. i went to bed at 5am and woke up at 8am. it's 2 and i have to get up at 8 again. why dont i sleep when i need to sleep? at least i get homework done..

all i have to say is that today was one of the raddest days ever.
my boss was nice enough to let me take photos in the studio for my school assignments. i had way too much fun. waaaay too much fun.
i'm glad i know what i want to do for the rest of my life.
i would post pictures, but i'm not sure if i am allowed.
maybe some time tomorrow.

yesterday, i felt like crap and wanted photography to have no part of my day.
today, i want to take more pictures in the studio.
and more.
and more.
until i get a photograph to be exactly the way i want it to be.
this is what i needed to get myself back in to gear. i felt really discouraged the other day.
i talked to my sister about this, and we are both those kinds of people who if we don't get something right the first time, we bum out. we are close to perfectionists.. which can be a good and bad thing.
i dont want to get bummed out, and i dont want to lose my drive. and i wont.
the occasional push is nice, and honestly, besides the fact that i am extremely passionate about photography, one thing that keeps me going when i get bummed and disappointed, is to think about all that crap i've been through, and to remember what people said about me. because i promise you,
you will hear my name again some day. It's not that I havent forgiven, it's just that I havent forgotten. and i really dont want to forget. because it shapes me in to who i am now. i've always wondered what i would be like if i did not have one other person in this world to help mold me in to who i am now. positive or negative, both types of situations in my life have helped give me this unstoppable drive to become a well known photographer. i know that god placed each and every person in my life for a reason. where would i be if he had not allowed one of these people to come in to my life? would i be different? would i have such a huge passion for photography? would i be sitting here, thinking about this? think about every person has effected you in some way. just think. isnt it amazing? the slightest changes could have changed the outcome of what today is to you. i'm grateful, for every happy moment, every sad moment, every moment full of anger, disappointment, regret. because i would never have been sitting here now, thinking about this, and I would be a different person.

crazy stuff on no sleep.
maybe i should do this more often.
i'll probably read this tomorrow and be like.. what.

kthnxbye

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